Not Stella (but definitely stellar)
Here in France, tomorrow brings freedom after 8 weeks of lockdown. I should be feeling as joyous as Stella, the dog who leaps ecstatically, and entirely without thought of what lies beneath, into pile after pile of autumn leaves. If you haven’t seen it, you must: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tu3HN-MmJc4.
I’ll let you into a secret. I am actually feeling a bit angsty that we are about to be set free, and yet I still somehow have not achieved as much as I should have. A heady mix of guilt and shame has been driving me to compile “what I have actually done” lists in my head, ready to answer the terrifying but inevitable question: So what did you do during lockdown?
But who cares? Because what matters is that we each do the best we can. Right? Deep down I know this, but I also know from friends and clients, that this sense of under-achievement is prevalent when we feel like we have been given more time than usual. But much as this feeling may be common, the emotions that go with it are neither useful nor healthy. So how can we combat them, and release our inner Stella? Here are three ideas:
Remember that lockdown does not actually mean we should have been any more productive than usual. Probably the opposite. The reality is that many people may actually have had time reduced, especially those looking after kids, those trying to pivot their businesses, or those working on the front line. Significant changes to the normal routine alone will have depleted energy levels for most people. When you compound that with the effort of coping with uncertainty, it is unrealistic to expect to have more, rather than less energy for getting stuff done.
Take time to reflect. I say this with caution. I know that each of our individual lockdown experiences are wildly different. Many have lost family members, friends, livelihoods. So we should all be doing whatever we can to get through. And frankly, whatever that is, is fine. But, if you feel like it, now may a good time to reflect. And by reflect, I mean properly, deeply think about who you are, what you want, and what you need to do or change to get there. Not in an airy-fairy way. In an applied way, using a process, or a friend, or a professional to help you. I’ll be writing a blog about reflection soon(ish), but here are some great free resources from Edinburgh University if you are interested in finding out more.
Be realistic about what you can achieve. I started this with a pile of leaves, so I’ll end it with another dubious gardening analogy. There are lots of practical steps you can take to get realistic about what you can achieve, especially if you like a list. So I will leave you with the gift of SPADE, which you can use for some metaphorical weeding. If you follow it, it should help you set more realistic daily goals, and feel more satisfied about what you have done.
Scrutinise: spend a few days working out how much of your daily to do list you actually achieve. Chances are that most days you will only do some of the things on your list. Having a long list at the end of the day tends to make us focus on the things we have not done. Unless, like me, you sometimes write things down you have already done and cross them off. No, really.
Prune: once you have worked out how much you generally tick off daily, you can be a bit more realistic. Keep your lists shorter. If you are regularly unrealistic about how much you can achieve, you are bound to feel disappointed when you don’t meet your targets. And don’t forget to take credit for all the smaller things that you do on the way to completing the whole task.
Aim: if you start as you mean to go on, you have a better chance of feeling the day has gone well. Prioritise each day’s list. Put a star next to the thing you REALLY need to do that day. This is a good way to ensure you do what’s necessary, and spend your time constructively.
Develop: watch what keeps slipping down the list and work out why. Maybe the task is too complex; do you need help or can it be broken down? Maybe it is something you shouldn’t be doing in the first place? Can you delegate it, or renegotiate what needs doing? There is usually a reason for something to keep slipping. Working that out and doing something about it will save you time (and guilt) in the long run.
Embrace: It is impossible that your to do list will ever be done. And that is actually a good thing. Seriously. I mean, imagine how boring life would be if your to-do list was empty? Half of the reason many of us have kept (vaguely) sane during lockdown is because of our to-do lists. I shared Harvard Business Review’s helpful article about to-do list guilt earlier this year. It’s got some helpful tips about practicing acceptance, and this is a great habit to try and adopt.
So in a nutshell: give yourself credit for everything you HAVE done during lockdown; think about what you want from the time ahead; and apply a SPADE to your to-do list. And if you forget any of that, you can always, ahem, dig out this article as a reminder.
Right, where’s that rake? I’m off to unleash my inner Stella.
